And by boss, I mean mom….

How to Read a Book Like a Mom

(This post is a part of Wednesday’s Paranormal Love Blog Hop. Be sure to visit the other awesome bloggists!)

I’m a writer, so I read a lot of books. I also have five children. People often ask how I have time to do anything. I have compiled a list of five tips for Boss Mom Book Reading.

1. Find a book you want to read.

   This may seem overly simplified, but sometimes, as a boss mom, you know you just had that book you wanted to read. It was a good book. You may not be able to recall what it was about, but you definitely remember that it was a good book. There were people. Words. A plot that lasted longer than the time it takes to lose kitten mittens. Real, grown up words. People did things. No tantrums. Or, at least, tantrums about things like missile crises, and there was no mention of potty training anywhere. Yesterday, I was forced to sit down for a caffeine respite with Little Bunny Foo Foo. It was all I could find. You have to survive.

2. Sit down.

   When you find that novel – or your Kindle – in the freezer, have a seat. Alright. Standing up may also be an option. And, let’s face it, last time you sat down, you woke up thirty minutes later with your toenails painted in Sharpie and wrapped in wet toilet paper. There was half a banana… but we won’t discuss that. You think you’ve only had three cups of coffee since the kids came to the edge of the bed at 4 AM to breathe in your face, and it takes at least six cups to manage a sit down. You’re right. Standing up to read is probably best.

3. Find the bookmark.

   This is a game you all love to play with your paperbacks. Your daughter runs away with your bookmark or un-dog-ears your marker page. Better yet, when she’s feeling uber playful and creative, she dog-ears all of them and leaves you Picasso-esque drawings that completely obscure the words on the page that you’re pretty sure you’ve read already, but you need to read again (just in case). And for the Kindle days, you’re pretty sure your entire library was eaten by Angry Birds Star Wars. She downloaded it six times – how does this even happen? – and your email just thought you should know she bought $6,543 worth of extras.

4. Refreshments.

   Mommy, I’m hungry. Mommy, I’m thirsty. Mommy, I need you to wipe… Look! The cat wanted to sleep in a pillowcase. (Even though you conducted a parent-pet meeting with that cat yesterday, and you clearly discussed what it takes to survive in this household.) There’s nothing better than a hot cup of java in a real mug with real creamer. Though, your memory may be faulty. You haven’t had a hot cup of coffee since 2001, and you’re pretty sure the kids are drinking your coffee when you aren’t looking. You’ve filled that cup at least five times, and you still want to pass out. The kids on the other hand…

5. Music.

   Mozart. Beethoven. Classical Rock. Old jams from high school. This is going to be an awesome reading session. Until the squealing and screeching reminds you, one of them wants to be a plumber and managed to dig up the recorder you successfully flushed down the toilet. And that sparkly pink microphone? The one with Let It Go echoing in all its tin-y glory? It has been found. By your head. And it’s concert time. Grandma would be proud.

And when you get high five-d in the face with last week’s half-eaten apple or you wake up to the re-enactment of that one scene from Avengers, you’ll know. Congratulations. You made it. Welcome to reading a book like a boss, mom.

And because I’m an extra dose of crazy and super excited about it 😀

(Find me on NaNoWriMo as I write this clean read this November):

Coming Spring 2016

Cover by Lori P. at Contagious Covers. Thanks, Lori!

(This post is a part of Wednesday’s Paranormal Love Blog Hop. Be sure to visit the other awesome bloggists!)